Litany to the Astros

We Catholics believe and practice the darndest things. With Astros down to the wire in game 7, we're pulling out all stops. For example, parishioners at Annunciation Catholic Church right next to Minute Maid Park are selling handmade rosaries with orange and navy blue beads.

A beautiful type of prayer we often invoke is a Litany. Litanies are poetic, responsive prayers offered up for special intentions, such as Litany of Divine Praises. Litanies can be recited anywhere and are particularly popular last-ditch invocations. Stuck in traffic? Try the Litany of Divine Mercy. Your recipe for pizza-dough-wrapped pickles has been named a finalist in the Pillsbury Bake-Off? Time to settle in with the Litany of Humility. And for teens coming home two hours after curfew and seeing Dad in the driveway? Rattle off the Litany for a Happy Death, naturally. 

How a Litany to Astros? I created two, which are not sanctioned by the Church and will probably add a few hundred years to my stay in Purgatory. Note: if you don't know about Purgatory, check it out in my book, Holy Bones, Limbo, and Jesus in My Cheetos.

Divine Litany to Astros Batting Lineup

Jose Altuve,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Carlos Beltran,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Alex Bregman,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Carlos Correa,

 For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

 Evan Gattis,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Yuli Gurriel,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Marwin Gonzalez,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Cameron  Maybin,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Brian McCann,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Josh Reddick,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

George Springer,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Derek Fisher,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Juan Centeno,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and a slugging bat,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Divine Litany to Astros Pitchers

Charlie Morton,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Lance McCullers, Jr.,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Collin McHugh,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Dallas Keuchel,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Brad Peacock,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Justin Verlander,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Ken Giles,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Francisco Liriano,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Joe Musgrove,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Chris Devenski,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Luke Gregerson,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.

Will Harris,

For a winning spirit, divine grace, and immaculate innings,

I pray you bring us an Astros win.