Statue for Peyton Manning, Next Up, Sainthood

So Indianapolis Colts have erected a statue of Peyton Manning, as a tribute to the popular former NFL quarterback. How about an everlasting tribute, like Sainthood?

Manning could easily fly through the steps required by the Catholic Church. From Venerated as Son of Staubach to canonized Saint Peyton, patron saint of second chances, Manning has what it takes to become America's next saint. He's so popular that mini versions of his statue would pop up in lawns all over the country, somewhere in between St. Francis and garden gnomes.  Next up, his own feast day. Watch out St. Patrick, St. Peyton's got you in his sights!

Excerpt from Holy Bones, Limbo, and Jesus in My Cheetos:

Step One—Servant of God Declaration

The candidate must first be deemed worthy of sainthood. The Church relies on fact-gathering and input from local clergy who have investigated the candidate’s background. They require validation the candidate lived piously, served others, and was considered an all-around swell guy. So far, so good for Manning.

Manning’s got a load of evidence in his favor. First, he’s the son of a saint. His father, Archie, played for the New Orleans Saints. Second, Manning is a paragon of piety. It doesn’t get much more pious than having a children’s hospital named after you. As a bonus, Peyton Manning Children’s Hospital belongs to a Catholic medical center named after a saint! In the celebrity piety pecking order, he’s not quite Oprah, but Brad and Angelina can’t touch him. For starters, not only is he still married, Manning isn’t marked with the taint of ten years living in sin before taking his marriage vows. It’s hard to top that, but it gets better. Word’s out he’s looking at opening a string of Papa John’s in third-world countries and will deliver free pizza to orphanages. Boom, take that Brangelina.

Manning scores high in likability and service. Fan adoration ranks him among the most well-liked in football and so do advertisers. His product endorsements rake in big bucks. No other sports figure this century can touch Manning’s saint appeal. Although, one did come close. Experts say he was on track for beatification but was beaten out of his chance by his wife. Literally. With a golf club. His own. Vatican lips aren’t sinking ships but sources have confirmed “St. Tiger” would not be added to the saint roster in the foreseeable future.

In a breeze, Manning passes muster. He is beatified and moves closer to sainthood. At this stage, the candidate is designated “Servant of God.” However, there’s talk Manning will be called “Servant of Staubach.”

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